drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
