my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
