Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
