Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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