well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
