sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
