my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
