I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
