Sry I called you an 8
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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