guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
