Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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