dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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