Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
