no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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