He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
