i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
