they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
