He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
