sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
