considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
