just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
