apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
