I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
