Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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