Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
