Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
