You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
