I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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