So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
