I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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