I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
