dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How does it feel to date your dad?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
