haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize