I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
