Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
