none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
