The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
