her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
