He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize