shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
