Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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