you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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