God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
