it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
