True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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