Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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