drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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