dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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