i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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