I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
