I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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