I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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