Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
