I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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