puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
