Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
