a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
