Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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