Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
