wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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