So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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