Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
