I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize