dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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