nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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