He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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