At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize