2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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