Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
