i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
