but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
