He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just blew my weed a kiss
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
