tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
